Margot: I’m afraid of connections – in airports – of getting from one plane to another. The running, the rushing, the not knowing – the trying to figure it all out. Wondering if I’m going to make it.
Daniel: What do you think will happen if you don’t make it?
Margot: I think I might get lost … and may rot and die in some forgotten empty terminal that nobody knows exists.
Daniel: So you are afraid you are going to miss your plane?
Margot: No, no that’s not really the fear.
Daniel: So what are you afraid of?
Margot: I’m afraid of wondering if I will miss it. I don’t like being inbetween things. I’m afraid of being afraid.
Daniel: That sounds like the most dangerous thing in the world.
I saw the movie Take This Waltz a few weeks ago, and while I did not necessarily fall in love with the film I did relate to some of the underlying themes that are explored.
Michelle Williams described the film as being about this inner "feeling of restlessness. Is that what it feels like to be alive? Or is that what it feels like to be in the wrong relationship? And what do you do with this restlessness? Do you look outside of yourself? Or is it something that's your own journey? I read this quote when I was making the movie, it's a Buddhist quote, 'Emptiness is the track that a centered person walks on.' And that's a great kind of idea to hang on to, but a hard one to practice."
I can totally understand this feeling she is describing. I can completely relate to this inner restlessness that being in your late twenties - being in-between things - brings. The movie is "a coming of age story that's about an 'unsung period' of life ... It's this sort of on-the-cusp kind of thing when you're sort of trying to leave behind more sort of childish things, and it's really kind of a last step into an adult life."
And this period of time, period of in-between, period of being a little bit lost while trying to get to the next step, next stage - it's overwhelming and consumed with fluctuating emotions. There is exhilaration and excitement about figuring out who your adult self is meant to be, but at the same time that is compounded against the mourning of your former self, former life.
And those conflicting feelings can bring on a fear of being afraid of being afraid .....